Then. I had the proverbial melt-down. The mid life crisis realization that I left EVERYTHING i had worked so hard for the last 25+ years and stored it in Hackensack to come here and live the dream. Well. It is not a dream. It is reality. And the reality is hard, hard hard. So hard that I actually have found myself not doing so great here when all the while I thought this was a slam dunk. a no brainer.
Well. I was wrong and I overestimated the living situation. Surely living in the Tuscan countryside near the mare (sea) is quite lovely (for the summer at least) but doing it full time is making me a bit psychotic. After a solid month of being dependent on a car (that is hardly ever here), and roomming with a "Solitary Scholar" type of person who can sit at his desk and work on his lessons plans for days on end and never see or speak to anyone, I have officially had the Head Pop Off my body and have told all that I am moving OFF THIS MOUNTAIN at the end of August. At first I didnt think id even last until mid July. But I have made some plans to take some trips away from the woods to go see friends in Belgium and Switzerland later in July and August so that will get me out of my head and off the damn mountain for a time.
Italy is beautiful. Don't get me wrong. But I think I may very well have to finally cop to the fact that I just do not move at their speed. Giorgio has energy and he moves like me but in the academic camps which is a whole other ritmo of existing. I am a total extrovert. A sales person. I need to talk to people, see people, interact with them and BE WITH THEM. You put me on a hill with some cows, goats and cats and dogs and an academic and if I had a pistol I would have already shot myself in the head!!! Its not like I need a BIG CITY--but to go from NYC to this was a bit stronza on my part. I should have known far better. Most people who know me well told me I'd not last -- even my therapist once told me dont go remote because you are a social person....OK well live and learn. I am here now but I have told everyone (including said landlord) that I will not be moving to the upstairs apt in Sept but rather down the mountain and either I will have to return to America and restart all over again or I figure a way to earn just enough to live where there is far less tranquility and MORE HUMAN BEINGS in giro....
OK OK you can all go ahead and laugh at my expense on this one ok? I mis read myself. I thought after all the stress in NYC and the shlepping etc that this was gonna be so fantastic and that i was gonna launch this business and blablabla but---reality is---it is HARD HARD work and NOT AT ALL easy and with the medical issue preoccupying my head for almost a month up here on the hill with the silence of the lambs--you can imagine that by now July 1 I am ready to leave this second! But its summer and I am in the mountains near the Tuscan seashore so I NEED TO MAKE THE BEST OF THESE NEXT 60 days because deep down I know I am lucky to have them. Most don't get this chance and I need to savor it but the self discovery is some scary shit...when its quiet and you have you and your thoughts and the bees and the trees? You realize. What life do I really have? All I did was work? All I want to do now is work? But there is not a lot of work. Or I have to get the work structured to make it happens. And I have no steady income. AM I OUT OF MY FRIGGIN MIND!?? Yes. We all know Mindy is not normal. and to be really true folks, I have no idea where I am going to land by September 15th but it won't be in Vetulonia/Castiglione because once the summer seasons closes I will need to be on my way so Plan B is right now in full effect. Scary thing is, its not all that fleshed out yet this plan B of mine. I have some lectures and seminars I am doing in July and August but not very much stuff going on here in July and August and then it will be time to"hopskip" from the mountain to a metropolo--FLorence would be PERFECT if i can figure a way there but its not likely---so if I am back in the United States by mid September people, I invite you all to have a great belly laugh at my expense for watching me lift off only to boomerang back because the temporary living situation (which I can no longer really tolerate full time already anymore) is not working and my sanity is more important than anything else right now!
At least I tried. No one can fault me for that , right?
OK so. Suffice it to say I am brutally honest about this entire thing and to and about myself but I can make lemonade out of this lemone. I have seen some gorgeous countryside and beaches while here and I promise my summer sabbatical location is better than most i could have had back in NYC this summer. The Challenge will be the "REINVENTION" "THE RESTART"..... and so in 60 days we physically relocate to more "civilization" so that Mindy can think and come to life again. Once that happens I am sure I can create/make something of my silly little life, right?
If nothing else I am mountain biking in some beautiful terrain when not working on teaching assignments or the nestplan business stuff so even though I am a little disappointed I can't complain too much. I am very fortunate that I got to do this and that I had the courage to try. OK so now we know. Mindy can live in the country mountains with animaletti ONLY 2 weekends per month or 1 week per year on holiday---other than that..I need to be NOT car dependend and my legs shld be all I need to get ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD...or I need to live someplace where a car takes you to a variety of things in less than 10 mins.
So there! Not embarassed to share that the transition in terms of living situation is not going well and we already have to make plans to move come Sept 1 and so that is my focus while I do the beach and sea thing here in betwixt some of these assignments..
OEY VEY
OK OK are you all laughing now?? GO AHEAD! Glad I can be of some entertainment value to you all! ha!
And I have yet to figure out what i want to be doing this next half of my life professionally. Trying to figure that out while here reading books about it and magazine articles and what not. I could probably teach here in ITALY as that is where most of Giorgio's connections are -- in the academic arena- and that would not be so bad but I just feel that I am going to get very rusty very fast which is why I am trying to dive into this BIG DATA-BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE thing here because that is software and that intrigues me...
What i know I have learned so far is that I am definitly going to work until i am well into my 70's because i dont like NOT working at a fast pace. I am built for higher speeds. So i either create MACH DEF 1 here in Italy and take over half the region or I come back to America and launch this idea state side from FL where there is no state tax and incorporating is inexpensive. I already have a great local lawyer down there who can help me and my dad isn't any slouch. I need to build/run something..so that i can come up to the mountain once a month to decompress. If i am here all the time decompressing I cannot get creative. I need chaos around me to be creative...does that make any sense at all!!??
Back later with some of the actual adventures which I have had, BTW. Especially with the moths and the bees up here the size of RATS!!!! Mamma Mia!!
This is the view from my terrace level "office" looking left at the old stables
OMG!! I am laughing so hard. I can NOT believe I am actually here doing this in this location. I cannot wait to see how this loudmouth caterpillar transforms herself as a result of all this and it better be into a pretty damn good butterfly and not some hairy, mothlike creature! Here's hoping!
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